Reflections of Nanny
by Aryea
Summary: One Shot-Based on a challenge from Fanny Smith on the Kaex board. Short and sweet, hope you enjoy


_This is in response to a Nanny story request that I think was from Faith Smith. On Shot, no idea how the idea popped into my head, but here goes. _

She stared at _him_ from a shadowed corner of the room, felt her heart race both with a sweetest kind of joy and a hellish sort of bitterness. The boy was so like the other, in so many ways that at times she had to stop herself and remember who he really was; and who she really was. Their coloring was the same, and they both had that relaxed, frivolous manner about them. When he smiled, it brought her back to a different time; a gentler time. She hated him for it.

The Princess smiled and laughed at something one of the other hooligans had said and she tsked. Why Allura was even eating with them in the common room instead of her suite or the royal dining hall was beyond her, but ever since these young men had come onto the scene her Princess had become even more pigheaded about ignoring the rules.

Still, she was no longer living in the palace, so it was not her place to complain. She had been given the care of Sven's son and she had brought her charge to visit with the Princess as she did every Sunday, and that was the only reason she was here. She was an outsider in the palace now, but then she always had been really.

Her eyes drifted to the littlest one, the one she had always believed her charge was the safest with, even if he was unnecessarily clumsy and boorish. She didn't think Pidge would ever dare to insult the Princess by making advances towards her. Pidge, she huffed to herself. What sort of name was that anyway? The huge one had never been a threat either, no, just the other two were the problem.

She knew they had all disliked her, but it had been her job to be a barrier between them and Allura. She could not allow the Princess to be taken in by such men, or for the girl to forget her station, as she had so many years ago. No, she would never allow her precious little girl to feel that sort of pain. She'd been consumed by the need to do everything in her power to stop it.

Now, her Princess had a consort, a marriage was planned and it killed her to acknowledge even a shred of happiness for them. It would never work, the past proved that such a match could never work, but Allura was stubborn and so too was her common pilot. She grieved for the heartache they both would face when they realized the truth; even as small kernel of bitterness wormed its way into her heart at the obvious love they had for each other. Fools, all of them.

_He_ laughed and her heart pierced with pain. Unable to stand it anymore she moved quietly across the room, stepped outside onto the terrace and closed the door on their laughter and comradeship. She put her hand to her chest and took several deep breaths, willing the pain to ease, then moved to the railing and stared out at the evening sky of Arus.

It had been thirty-five years and she could still remember the way he smelled, and the feel of his hands on her. It was on a quiet evening very much like this had been when he had approached her, flirted with her and wooed her, and she; a young, naive girl, had allowed it. She had been a fool.

Oh, but he had been so handsome, so charming. The fact that he had dismissed the prettier, thinner ladies of the court that had been fluttering about him at the ball that evening, and chose to spend his time with a pudgy and plain servant girl had knocked all sense from her. She'd allowed herself to be charmed, to be wooed, and had looked forward with great anticipation to their discrete rendezvous in the shadowed corners of the castle.

His words had been silk, his touch flame and they could soften and mold her into the woman he wanted, the woman she wanted to be for him. Believing his promises of love, believing that their stations did not matter in their hearts, she'd accepted his attentions and denied him nothing; and for her love he took from her everything.

Yes, she had been a fool. A young foolish girl that was too young to realize the game they had been playing would never succeed in the real world. What had become the greatest night of her life, and her hope for a glorious future, was soon twisted into an ugly, horrific memory of reality.

She would never hold their child in her arms, would never know his name or his future. They allowed her to birth him and then ferreted him away to another family, to someone in a higher position that was capable of raising the son of an Earl. He never spoke to her again, never met her eyes when she passed him in the corridors; never acknowledged her presence again at all.

Unable to give up her position, for she needed the money to support her family, she was forced to see him every day and be reminded of what a fool she had been, as she watched him flirt and charm other young ladies, until he finally married one that was his equal. When the first attacks began, she had almost been relieved, hoping more than anything to be among the casualties so she could rid herself of this constant sorrow and heart-ache.

Instead, the Queen had requested a Nanny to help her with her newborn girl, and she had been chosen to go to the palace. She immersed herself in caring for Allura, protected her as best she could throughout the attacks, including the one that eventually took the lives of the King and Queen. She lavished all the love she still carried for her own child onto the heir to the throne; yet always she remembered her station. She would never, ever forget her place again and she had wanted to make sure that no one else forgot theirs either. No false man should have the chance to charm her precious girl, no man should lie to her or hurt her as she had been hurt.

But then, she was 'retired' and had been forced to leave Allura to the wolves. Over all, it seemed that her young charge did well for herself, at least up until now, and that gave her some relief.

"Nanny?"

She turned and looked at Lance as he stepped outside, holding a small throw. "What is it?" she snapped.

"It's getting chilly," he smiled and held up a knitted throw he had brought with him. "I thought you might be cold."

Her heart melted as easily for him as it had for the other and she was sixteen again. "Thank you," she replied softly as he settled it around her.

She wondered if her boy would look like this one, this tall, handsome, playful pilot who had already touched her heart with his innate kindness. He only pretended to play the fool, she knew that there was a very serious side to him; as there had been to the Earl. They really were so very much alike; and yet Lance never looked at her coldly; even when she had scolded him; he held only affection in his eyes for her. Why was that, she wondered?

He leaned on the rail and inhaled deeply. "A night like this reminds me of home. My brother knew all the names of the stars and we'd sit out for hours looking at them and saying one day...one day we'd go and see each and every one."

"And did you?"

He shrugged. "Well, he died when I was fifteen, an accident at the pilot school."

"I am sorry for your loss."

"Yeah, but I haven't forgotten our promise, and each time I make it to one of those stars it's for him too." He turned, smiled at her. "Have you ever travelled, Nanny?"

"No. I have always lived here. Space flight frightens me."

"Really? I wouldn't think anything could scare you." He said it as a fact and without a hint of malice or mischief. "You should at least come and see Earth, I bet you'd like it."

"Why do you think so?" she huffed, trying, unsuccessfully to put some distance between them and not be charmed by him.

"Because you'd like my granny. She and you would get along like gangbusters."

Nanny glanced up at him, startled. "Do you get on well with her?"

"Of course! She raised me and my older brother. She's the sweetest, dearest person in the world to me, but she knows how to lay down the law..." he smirked and rubbed his head in memory. "In more ways than one. That's why I think you and she would get along."

"You find me sweet do you?"

He leaned down close to her ear and whispered. "We both know who you are under that gruff exterior," he said gently. "And we all know that you care about Allura more than anyone else in the world."

Tears prickled her eyes and she averted them so he would not see. "Don't try to charm me, child. I've seen your kind before."

He laughed and stepped back, not discouraged by her rebuff in the slightest. "Why, Nanny..." He gave her a flourished bow, low from the waist. "There is no one else like me."

Amused and also heartbroken and how very alike they were, she waved her hand at him. "Go! Practice such shameful behavior on one who is young enough to appreciate it."

He grinned, saluted her, then stepped back inside.

She turned back to the stars and wondered if her son would have grown up like Lance. If so...it gave her hope.


End file.
